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I would spend some time alone to reflect on my relationship that had just ended, but�a�week later I found�myself on�a plane to Vegas, and then Iapos;ve lost track after that. If it werenapos;t for all the photos to remind me of where Iapos;ve been or what I did, Iapos;d still think I was alone in my bedroom that night three years ago with the poem and empty box of kleenex in front of me.

I am not quite sure how things came to be,�because I thought I was smarter/stronger than that to succumb to this. But as it turns out, the mind is a powerful thing, and his mind overpowered mine. In time, I started believing him, convinced that I didnapos;t need to be alone or free after all, that my future belongs with someone...him. However, I would later find myself unhappy and confused again. While struggling to figure things out, Iapos;d find myself going from house to house, searching for our first home together. It wasnapos;t until I saw the little black box which he pulled from his pocket when I realized I couldnapos;t force myself or try to convince myself anymore. Iapos;ve always sacrificed my happiness for othersapos;, but at the end Iapos;m still unhappy. No matter how much they did for me, no one can give me what I truly want, and that is the most simple in life--freedom...I still yearn to be free.

Realizing that I needed to be happy first before I try to make anyone else happy, I need to move on...again. All the days, weeks, and months leading to that cold winter day were sad for me, and they will be forever etched in my memories; his cries, the phone call. I am not sure which is more sad, to have oneapos;s heart broken, or to break someoneapos;s heart. I suppose to break someoneapos;s heart, you only see it, but to have your heart broken, you feel the heart aching, breaking apart, and you are never quite the same. Itapos;s something I wish never to endure because Iapos;m already certain I wonapos;t survive such pain. The saddest thing in life to me is, to look into someoneapos;s eyes and see so much love and joy, just because those eyes are looking at you; I never wish to take away from anyone. Itapos;s the greatest feeling to know that you are the world to someone, but also the worst feeling to know that you canapos;t see yourself in that personapos;s world.

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